Wait, Lord, I Meant The Democratic National Convention (Page 1 of 1)

Oh Lord.

What have we done? That’s what Voodoo Christians must be asking themselves.

It’s one thing to pray up a storm. It’s quite another to make God’s dart hit the bulls-eye.

In case you missed it, Focus on the Family’s self-appointed prophet-jester, Stuart Shepard, released a video on or about Aug. 8 urging Christians to pray for “rain of biblical proportions” to drown out Barack Obama’s climactic acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention in Denver.

I’m not saying the Lord had other plans, but not only did Hurricane Gustav swamp Southern Louisiana, a storm named Hannah also zeroed in on the South and at least one more is expected to reach hurricane status as I was writing this. Meanwhile, dozens of counties in Florida, that land of hanging chads, were declared disaster areas, thanks to floods that drenched the entire state last month. Seems smiting folks with rain and winds “of biblical proportions” is not an exact, um… science.

Meanwhile…

* That hoary old medicine show known as the Republican National Convention began forming up in the aptly dubbed Twin Cities, where those “twins” of bad policy, George W. Bush and John McCain will spin the truth faster than you can say “Brownie, you’re doin’ a heckuva job.”

* Lots of folks are invoking Katrina and Rita, twin ballerinas that spun through New Orleans and Houston, respectively, starting with Katrina almost exactly three years ago as this is written, both dramatizing the global climate crisis and Republican ineptness at handling national emergencies.

* Democrats are basking in the afterglow of a stupendous and sunny convention — one that surely set a new standard for conventions to come. Packed stadium, sunshine, good music, Stevie Wonder and people dancing.

* Amazing unity is on display among Democrats, with both Clintons, Al Gore, Joe Biden, Michelle Obama, Ted Kennedy and others basking in praise for DNC speeches delivered like manna from heaven.

* Or was that red meat they served up? Whatever it was, the media’s feasting on it. Few Democratic stalwarts pulled their punches in Denver. (At last! An answered prayer.) Nearly all the speakers lit into the sad and destructive Bush legacy, giving pundits choice phrases to chew on, such as this one from Obama: “You know John McCain likes to say he will follow Osama bin Laden to the gates of hell, but he won’t even follow him to the cave where he lives.”

* As for Shepard, liberal stalwart Keith Olbermann named him the “Worst Person in the World” for his Voodoo Christian video and enough sensible Christians — you know, the kind who follow Jesus’ actual teachings — protested so that the video was taken from the Focus on the Family Web site. Still, it’s widely available at YouTube.com.

From this distance, it all has the makings of a perfect storm for a Grand Old Party that’s living up to its nickname — at least the middle part.

It’s certainly old.

Even the addition of youthful Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin can’t disguise that. Her stated position against saving polar bears and other critters paints her as a just another dinosaur living off the land in the party of the carbon-filled and species-declining past.

It’s all so crazy that people who believe in Voodoo Christianity — you know, Shepard, Focus on the Family, Pat Robertson and their ilk — must be having serious bouts of cognitive dissonance just now.

Could it be Gustav hit the wrong convention? Could it be God intended to dump on the GOP?

The Washington Post, in its Aug. 29 edition, reported the following:

“For Bush and Republican presidential candidate John McCain, Gustav threatens to provide an untimely reminder of Hurricane Katrina. A new major storm along the Gulf Coast would renew memories of one of the low points of the Bush administration, while pulling public attention away from McCain’s formal coronation as the GOP presidential nominee.”

OK, folks, three quick caveats.

1. The notion of a storm bearing down is funny only if you’re far away. So if you have an urge to pray for something, how about a prayer that nobody drowns due to any more hurricanes?

2. Let’s get real. I don’t believe God stirred up Katrina in order to smite gays, just as he never spun out Rita to smite Texas oil companies, so please eschew Voodoo Christianity. I will never believe the weather is a purveyor of Divine Justice.

3. As a purveyor of poetic justice, however, it manifestly holds possibilities.